worth LIVING for.

i'm apart of the fellowship of the unashamed.
i have Holy Spirit power.
i've stepped over the line, the decision has been made:
i'm a disciple of His.

i won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
my past redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure.

i'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed vision, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dark goals.

i no longer need preeminence, position, promotion, applause, or popularity.
i don't have to be right, first, tops recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded.
i now live by faith, lean on his presence, walk by patience.
i am uplifted by prayer and labor empowered.

my face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my God reliable, my mission is clear.

i cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed.

i will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of my adversaries, negotiate at the table of my enemy, or ponder at the pool of popularity.

i won't give up, set up, let up
until i've stayed up, prayed up, preached up
for the cause of Christ.
I A M A D I S C I P L E O F J E S U S .


[ thanks ryan :) ]

five hundred thousand.

warning: some of the content of this video is quite harsh. it is disturbing, but the message it is conveying is disturbing itself. you'll finish it changed, but just know, parts are quite intense.


[youtube link to video]

You are making me new.

things felt simple
and i thought i understood
nothing had changed? but
may was not our month.


things felt normal
and i was back in step
this would last. but
june was not our month.


things felt lonely
but hope hadn't died
but maybe it should've. and
july was not our month.


things felt possible
because i was still in control
do i ever have control? so
august was not our month.


things felt wrong
actually, everything felt wrong
me, you, life. obviously
september was not our month.


things felt quiet
direction seemed lost
but all is never lost? and
october was not our month.


things felt different
and i didn't know how to act
but who ever does? and
november was not our month.


things felt complicated
and i thought i couldn't trust
but maybe i should have. so
december was not our month.


things felt difficult
life never feels easy
but they tell us it won't be easy. still
january was not our month.


things felt better
but never good
will they ever be good? and
february was not our month.


things felt personal
my heart was open
but should they ever be that personal? and
march was not our month.


things feel hopeful
i am living again
maybe this will never be ours. but
april is my month.



and everything that’s new has bravely surfaced...teaching us to breathe. what was frozen through is newly purposed...turning all things green.
so it is with You and how You make me new with every season’s change...
and so it will be as You are re-creating me
summer, autumn, winter.....spring.

this is my best friend. she now has a blog. and it's fantastic. check it out:
a little bit of sunshine.

take action.

Please join IJM in calling on President Obama to protect vulnerable children and families from trafficking and exploitation, in Haiti and around the world.
On Inauguration Day 2009, many of you answered the call to sign a letter to President Obama, asking him to make the eradication of slavery and trafficking a hallmark of his presidency. Since that time, President Obama has appointed committed diplomats and made a powerful statement by declaring January National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month.
We'd like to ask you once again to join IJM in calling on President Obama to work toward the eradication of trafficking and slavery in our time.

[answer the call.]

you are my sunshine. my only sunshine. you make me happy when skies are grey. you'll never know, dear, how much [i love you]. please don't take my sunshine away...

i love you, mom. thanks for being you.

[ps: my new heading was made by my mother for me. like it? let me know.]

new things.

sometimes its good to stretch yourself. do things that you've never done. sometimes it can be scary. sometimes it can be funny. sometimes it can be crazy. but whatever it is, you'll learn more about yourself because of it.
so here's to our night of adventures, ryan...



1. eat at the second best chinese restaurant in the world? check.
[aka: valley wok on long road. the general tso's chicken, fried rice, and crab rangoon will change your life.]


2. run with scissors? check.

[hold the scissors blade-out (as shown) if you're feeling gutsy.]


3. chase a deer? check.

[note: deer not pictured.]


4. dance on a median? check.

[best done during heavy traffic.]


5. potentially trespass? check.
[being told "you are trespassing" is a good clue.]


6. jump on someone's trampoline? check.

[jumping when the owners are not home is ideal.]


7. drive somewhere scary you've never been? check.
[warning: lock doors.]


8. potentially trespass again? check.
[is it really trespassing if you don't know? i think not.]


9. ride children's toys? check.

[use bike/scooter you find in an abandoned parking lot...cheaper and more room to ride.]

10. hug a tree? check.

[you cannot use just any tree. take as much time as necessary to find the perfect tree.]

this week has been one of the best weeks i have had in quite a while. i have found joy in the most unexpected circumstances:
was given compassion from an unlikely source.
the absence of drama, when much was expected.
strength in difficult, heart-wrenching situations.
conversations i never thought would happen.
saw a friend rise above a resurfaced pain, when most would crumble.
watched tears of joy fill the eyes of those i love.
reconnected with a friend that brings out a new, brilliant side of me.
found comfort in the situation i could never be comfortable in.
experienced so much fear, but was met with encouragement.
genuineness from sources i was unprepared to hear it from.
professed emotions leading to new potential.
a call from a friend that changed my outlook for the day.
generosity in situations where i would have hesitated.
pure joy in the face of a friend.
support from a previously overlooked source.
was met with a surprise when fear and anxiety had overtaken me.
prayer when i needed it most.
laughter when i thought a smile was impossible.

"the inconceivable amount of pain in the world is overbearing, but the good gifts we receive from God far outweigh the pain" -a godly friend

"i shall not be moved."

i know...two videos in a row. i usually wouldn't do this, but i could not fail to pass on this story of hope.

your courage asks me what i am afraid of.