words.

so, i've been thinking about the question, "is it biblically wrong to curse?" a LOT lately. i kept going back and fourth about it, but after much prayer, reading of the Bible, and talking to wise friends, this is the conclusion i've come to. i'm not saying that everyone should agree with me, but i did want to share my thoughts on the topic. it's a very complex topic and i still have a lot to learn, but these are the thoughts that have been floating around in my head written down. i know it's long, but i thought it was important not to leave anything unaddressed. i hope that you all can listen to these words and seek the Lord about the topic on your own.

Language is an entity that is created by society and controlled by our culture. Words are simply words in themselves, but there are certain words that have meanings ascribed to them society that deem them to be crude, coarse, inappropriate, and tasteless. They have these adjectives linked to them because of society.

Although the meanings of these words are controlled by society, this does not mean that they are not a biblical issue. The Bible does not give a list of words that cannot be used because words change over time. But that is not to say that the Bible doesn’t have a lot to say about the importance of our words, because it does.

Proverbs 18:21a - “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…”

James 1:26 – “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.”

Proverbs 13:3 – “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”

1 Timothy 4:12 – “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”

Proverbs 18:7 – “A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul.”

So yeah, our words are a big deal. The concepts behind the words are important, but the actual words matter, too.

So then, what does the Bible say about words we are not supposed to say?

Colossians 3:8 – “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.”

Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to hose who hear.”

Ephesians 5:4 – “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

I think it’s pretty clear: words that are filthy, foolish, crude, obscene, or corrupt should not be said. And I think this last verse makes it pretty clear that even for the sake of humor, the words you chose are important.

But again, the Bible does not say what these specific words are because society dictates what these words are.

A common counter-argument to this is that it's not the actual words that are the problem, but rather the meanings behind the words. And while I would agree that the concepts behind the words are of the utmost importance, from what I've found, I feel the words you choose are important, too.

I feel like that’s a solid argument in itself, but for some, it may not be enough. They may truly feel that these words are not wrong for them to say. But your words affect more than just you. Words are said for others to hear, and therefore other people must be considered in talking about words.

Romans 14:13-23 addresses this very issue,

“Therefore, let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and I am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.
Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed in the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.”

First, I think it’s important to establish why a passage about food can be applied to cursing. Well, it can be applied because food is not the point of the passage; it’s faith. This is shown by verse 22: “The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God.” This passage is talking about faith. And in this time, because of the old law, eating could be a huge hindrance to faith because of the Jewish society still saying that different foods were acceptable and others were not. What foods are acceptable is not a mainstream issue anymore in our society, but matters that pertain to faith are. And not only just your own faith, but also the faiths of those around you.

There are a ton of good points in this passage. Let’s start with the whole clean/unclean thing.

So, Paul writes in verse 14: “I know and I am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean.” As I mentioned earlier, words in themselves are not bad things. It is the society that makes them into this. So as this passage reiterates, these words are not unclean in themselves, but they are unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean.

So, does that mean that if I don’t think the words are unclean, then they’re not? No. As I have already established, the words that society deems corrupt are corrupt because this is the means by which words gain meaning. And the Scriptures command that as Christians, that no corrupt language should come from our mouths.

Then, why even bring up the whole clean/unclean thing if they’re all unclean?

Well, because it brings in the concept of the conscious of others. This is where the next verse, verse 15, comes in:

“For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are not longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.”

By your actions, whether you see them as right or wrong, if you upset someone else by them, you are not loving them.

Now, everyone you talk to is not going to be offended by cursing. But, there certainly are people that will be. And with this, verse 16 must be taken into account: “So do not let what you regard and good be spoken of as evil.”

This verse is not the only one in the Bible that talks about the idea of not doing what is seen as wrong to others. Romans 12:17 says, “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.”

1 Corinthians 10:32-33 also talks about this: “Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved.”

Titus 2:6-8 also emphasizes the importance of not only the way we live, but specially the words we say: “Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.”  This verse also brings into account the affect that our words can have on our witness. Although individually people have different views on cursing, society deems them unacceptable, which by using them, can hurt our witness, as Paul says in these two verses.

While all three groups of verses stress the importance of the things you do not offend others, this concept can be taken too far. It is not commanding that people do whatever it takes to save others. It is commanding that we live in a way that the things we do not be seen as biblically immoral. And by acting in such a way, you will offend people. But you will offend because the Gospel counters the way society tells people they should live, not because what we are doing is wrong. 

This idea can be difficult in execution in some areas, especially those highly debated among Christian theologians, but, in response to cursing, a person not cursing will not offend anyone. Cursing may make some feel more comfortable, but by doing so you are not loving them because you are not leading them closer to righteous living in every way that you can.

The way people go about this, though, can be very offensive to others, especially to non-Christians. By not cursing with pridefulness and a “holier than now” mentality, you are not loving. But in this, it is not the fact that you’re not cursing that offends people, but your character. But by living in humbleness and respect for the Lord and for others, the fact that you are not cursing will not be offensive to others. Quite on the contrary really, they will see your loving actions and that will be appealing, more so than the fact that they hear you cursing could ever be. Cursing is a small matter, but living graciously, lovingly, compassionately, and kindly…now that is a big deal. And this is exactly what, going back to Romans, verse 17, says: “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.”

Now, the last part of Romans 14 addresses the issue of causing another to stumble. Causing another to stumble is causing them to sin. As has already been established, cursing is a sin. But causing another to curse is also a sin, as it says in 1 Corinthians 8:12, “[by] sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ.”

By cursing around others, you are encouraging them to also curse. And even if this does not cause them to curse, it may cause them to belittle the importance of clean speech, which may in time cause them to sin. To say this isn’t true is foolish, I have fallen into that sin in the past and am living proof that that can happen. Quite easily, really.

While our hearts might be in the right place and we may not have wrong intentions with our words, others around us may only hear the words and assume we are condoning the derogatory motivations that can be behind them. And by this, we can be leading people away from Christ instead of towards Him.

In verse 21, Paul states: “It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.” Therefore, in addition to the fact that cursing is wrong, as verse 14 established, it is also wrong for someone to do something that they think is wrong. And by cursing around others, you can cause them to stumble by encouraging them to continue using coarse language or to begin using such language. It’s not just about you, it’s about encouraging those around you not to violate the convictions they have, which would be sin.

And to you, the words may just be words. But those words could be associated with a whole other previous lifestyle for someone around you. And by hearing a Christian use those words and beginning to use those words again, it could cause them to stumble into even more sin.

Chapter 14 concludes with Romans 14:23b, which says, “For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” Therefore unless the words that you say are coming from the faith that you have established with the Lord, they are sinful.

But guarding yourself against sin is only half of it. To truly love your brother is to also protect them from sinning. Paul took this very seriously, which can by seen in his words in 1 Corinthians 8:13, “Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.”

In closing, I think the matter of what type of words you use has been highly over-emphasized. We cannot let the matter dominate over other sins. A person is not defined by whether they curse or not, yet this is a matter that many Christians get hung up on. But, it is important to make sure that the way you live your life is biblically sound because “the Lord commanded that those who proclaim the gospel should get their living by the gospel” (1 Corinthians 9:14). But the Gospel is about more than simply the way you live or a set or rules you follow, it is about loving people and loving God.