more kay.

i can see us years from now, bent with age, putting our heads together and laughing our same laugh over some ridiculous thing or other. no matter what, we'll always have our same old laugh to laugh together.

♥

these are my best friends.

[playing clue in dustin's front yard on a sunday afternoon].

[graduation].

[the framed picture andrew gave me for my birthday].

[love this].

[valentine's day - the boys made us dinner :) ].

[exploring a cave in the freezing march waters on spring break].

[prom].

[mission trip to puerto rico].

[twins].

["carol' at my birthday party].

[[ps - this is also the first day ryan met my father]].

[spring break :) ].

[baccalaureate service].

[[no, martin and katie do not go to my high school]].

i love and miss you guys! 

my past year.

i am a planner. i always have been. i plan out my day, my week, my month, my life. a year ago, i had each step of my life planned out. i knew how everything would play out, and how my life would look at the point that i am now currently in. but my year was much different than i planned...

i am going to a school that i swore i would never go to because it was "just a public school" and i was only looking at $30,000+ small, private universities.

i ended up in a group of friends that i love dearly and don't know what i would do without.

i drink coffee. (kind of).

i had my heart broken into more pieces than i saw possible to repair.

i won honorable mention in a photo contest. (more on that to come).

my family unexpectedly lost a dearly loved one.

i had a song written for me.

the Lord taught me more about faithfulness, brokenness, joy, and peace than i thought possible.

i'm a psychology major.

some of my closest friends are a girl i've known for seven years, but was never friends with, a boy who didn't speak my language when i first met him, and a girl from cedar falls, iowa.

i finally accepted the healing that i had been refusing for far too long.

i started a blog!...and then another blog!

i fell in love with a boy that was only supposed to be my best friend.

grey became one of my favorite colors. (not important, i'm aware. but i still think it's weird having a shade of black as one of your favorite colors).

i'm working with a hippie, an artist, and an activist to create a peace studies minor at truman state university.

my best friend lives four hundred and sixty-six miles away from me, yet still calls me after watching greys anatomy and tells me how we're totally meredith & christina.

i smile a lot more than i ever have.

plans are great. they help keep you on track and focused. but if the Lord puts something else in your path...screw plans! He knows way better than you do.


and always have no regrets. ;)

breathe.

the quote, "when you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through" is a concept that has always stuck with me since the first time i read it. think about that. we all have the struggles in our life that constantly sit in the front of our mind. that come to mind every time someone asks, "how are you?" because they weigh heavily on how we are. in the grand scheme of things, it could be something seemingly small, such as a phone call you've been waiting for. or, it could be something life-changing, like a fight you've been having with someone you love dearly. but no matter how big or small it is "in the grand scheme of things," to you, it's everything. it consumes your thoughts. it consumes your emotions. it can even consume your life. that thing, that unwavering struggle, can last a week, or it can last years. no matter how long the length, it always seems like forever.

but what about when that week or year is up? what about when that thing that has taken what seemed like everything out of you is over?


this is a beautiful time.
this is a time of healing. a time of joy. a time of praise. a time of victory. a time of peace.


i don't know where you are in life. i don't know what struggles you have. i don't know if you life is filled with more laughter or more tears. but i do know that there is always hope. 


we will always have troubles, we are promised that. but we are also promised that the Lord will be faithful to be by our side every step of the way. we are promised that He knows better than we do. we are promised that we will learn, we will grow, and we will be better because of our struggles. 


we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us [romans five:three-five].

REJOICE!

I see the loving, striving, not the defects. I see the conquest of your particular battle. I count it as victory, a glad victory.

I do not compare it with the strenuous campaigns of My great saints.

for you it is victory, and the angels rejoice, and your dear ones rejoice, as much as at any conquest noted, and rejoiced over, by Heaven.

My children, count the days of conquest as very blessed days.

[god calling].

dad

this is my father.

we went on a father/daughter date saturday night.

to his playground: cabelas.

and he had way too much fun.

i love him :)

thanks for the great night, dad!

don't stop believin'.

paige: "maybe she'd give me a piece of that. wait, woah!"

mom: "i wonder why there's a map of haiti here..."

paige: "maybe the titanic crashed near haiti."

mom: "paige, the titanic crashed near an iceberg..."

paige: "oh yeah...don't tell anyone i said that."

dad: "let's just play one more hand."

mom: "why?:

dad: "because it's 9:30!"

mom: "what, do you turn into a pumpkin or something?"

dad: "i like the idea of being a close family and all, but i don't think we all have to pull off the highway every time somebody has to take a potty break."

paige: "won't everything be written in mexican?"

i love you guys :)

live every day from the crack of dawn until you can't keep your eyes open a second longer.

"now that i please myself, my priorities are better. the people i love. my health. getting the most i can out of every day. the actor danny kaye used to say, 'life is a great big canvas. throw all the paint you can at it.' i like that thought. more important, i try to live by it as much as i can
i get up really early most mornings so i can watch the sun rise. i put flower buds in a lot of little bottles around the house so i can see the blossoms open everywhere. i feed whole peanuts to the blue jays because they love having their food gift-wrapped, and i never tire of watching them try to fit more than one peanut into their bill at a time. i read good, hard books, and if i can't sleep, i might throw a few logs onto the fire and watch law and order reruns."
[james patterson, sam's letters to jennifer].

so i learnt from you.

i won't regret because you can grow flowers from where dirt used to be.

HE > ME.

"we must recognize our own unrighteousness to feel the weight of His righteousness."


there is no doubt in my mind that the Lord answers prayer. i prayed two weeks ago that the Lord show me my own unrighteousness so that I could see His righteousness. and my how He has shown me all the things i lack. i lack compassion. i lack understanding. i lack reliability. i lack selflessness. i lack trust. i lack obedience. i see the ugliness in my own heart. and i absolutely hate that. but i also love it. i'm learning how much i need His grace. i fall short. i am a sinner. but He is bigger and stronger than me.


He is righteous.

i love...

- drinking coffee.
- sitting at the park.
- watching tv.
- smiling.
- going on walks.
- getting breakfast.
- late night conversations.
- spending time with friends.
- laughing.
- meeting new people.
- making late night food runs.
- living life.
[all with you].